New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
