You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
