wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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