no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
