peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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