I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
