Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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