i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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