Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
