Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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