Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
