just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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