I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
