Your dad touched me again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
