wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
