Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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