Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
