Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
