My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
