I think my vagina is haunted
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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