a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
