i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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