This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
