you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
