two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
