I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
