Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
