U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
