I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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