I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
