wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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