I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Semen is not good for contacts.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
