I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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