there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
