Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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