Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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