you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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