2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
