I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
