I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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