i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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