i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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