went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
