He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
