why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
