i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
