My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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