we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
