end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
