now i know why i became what i already was.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
