where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
