That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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