yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
