What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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