She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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