he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
