you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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