Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Someone came in the potted fern
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
