maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
