got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
