I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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