I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
