you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
