okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
