i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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