I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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